I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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