my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
