Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize