Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
