i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
