if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
3pm strippers are depressing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
