dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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