so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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