Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
