I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
