So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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