i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
