hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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