I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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