peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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