that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
