He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
