Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
