Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
