There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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