im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
