so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
