At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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