Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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