I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize