First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
