I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
