i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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