and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
