I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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