i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
