She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
