your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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