Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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