he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk