When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?