The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.