this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.