i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"