If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.