Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky