if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
