Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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