he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sober January is a disaster.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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