do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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