I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
