singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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