im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
