omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
