I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
