Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
