Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
