I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
