He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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