i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
