Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
