12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
