They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How's work?
Spinning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
