I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
