your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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