Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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