Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
