I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
